"...I Am So Lonely..."

Chances are if you're reading this, you have embraced the amazing technology available to us in the 21st century.  You check your Facebook wall every hour to see the latest posts from your 900 "friends". You text incessantly and may have even never used your phone to make a call.  You cruise the internet and file your favorite hairstyle or recipes on Pinterest.  You follow your favorite bloggers online and comment  on their posts.  You take vacations and immediately post your photos online using Instagram or Flickr.  Your home has multiple laptops to connect wirelessly to the cyberworld.  Wherever you go, you update your "followers" with the all the details on Twitter. You post your best videos on YouTube and Skype is a verb in your world.  You debate with your friends on the respective merits of the Iphone vs. the Droid.  In fact, you have moved beyond the capabilities of your phone and now carry an Ipad wherever you go, all the more easy to access and share the details of your life with your similarly connected cohorts.  To sum it up, every move and detail of your life is uploaded and instantly shared with others who are simultaneously doing the same.  And yet....Despite all these things, you are struck at times with a sense of sadness, a feeling of being adrift and isolated from others.  You feel small and inadequate..You feel lonely.

We all share the experience of feeling alone, questioning whether those around us truly care. What a strange sensation, to be more "connected" than any generation the world has ever seen and yet...  

And yet... feeling alone, we return to our computers and phones and seek even more diligently that which we have already discovered we will never find there.  We so desperately wish to escape this sense of brokenness that we attempt to bury it in "busyness" because in our idle time, we are unable to escape the knowledge that something is missing.  But what is it that we are looking for?

Scripture tells us that God placed eternity in the hearts of every man. A wise man called it a "God shaped hole in our hearts".  Oftentimes, our brokenness is a compass that points us towards  the only place where our souls can truly find rest.  We are indeed built for relationship, but we find ourselves looking to others to fulfill a need they were never intended to meet.  Instead of hiding our pain, our loneliness, we should recognize our need to run to his arms to find restoration...."He leads me beside still water. He restores my soul" Psalm 23:2..You see, long before Facebook and Twitter, God addressed our tendency to look to other things to fulfill a need only He could meet...“For My people have committed two evils: They have forsaken Me, The fountain of living waters, To hew for themselves cisterns, Broken cisterns That can hold no water."
Jeremiah 2:12-14

We indeed have a need to connect, a deep desire to feel as if we matter, to be loved.  None of our efforts to connect with others using whatever resources we have are inherently bad.  But all of our attempts to fill a God shaped hole with anything else will ultimately fail.  Our loneliness and longing, despite our best efforts to keep such feelings at bay, should serve as a reminder...but of what?  That  the God who created us has provided a path for us, a path that leads to " still waters", to the healing of our innermost hurts...To Him.

“If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.”
― C.S. Lewis

"Truth Is..."

As a youth pastor and father, I am knee deep in the phenomenon of Facebook.  In many ways, it has become one of the most effective tools in my ministry to kids. If you pay attention, you can identify the pains and heartaches these young men and women are struggling with.  You can offer encouragement and a gentle reminder that you are available if needed. Recently, I have noticed an abundance of " Truth Is" comments on kids Facebook walls.  If you are unfamiliar with this, let me explain.  You post "Truth Is" on your wall and all your friends respond by "liking". You then respond to them with a comment such as " truth is you're really pretty" or " truth is you're really funny and I wish we spent more time together" ( Both actual comments I just pulled from a random wall).  I asked my 14 year old daughter if it were smart to ask other kids to post what they thought of you, if that weren't asking for heartache.  She told me " No one says anything mean, you only say nice things".  

And the tumblers fell into place within my mind. These children have tapped into something that resonates deep within us all.  We all struggle with feeling ugly, stupid, friendless and isolated.  And so, feeling tired and alone, we long to hear something positive and affirming.  We want to hear that we are attractive, talented and that people care. These kids cry out into cyberspace " Encourage me"!...And if we were honest, all of us have, at one time or another, uttered the same desperate plea. 

A parent in a waiting room cries out.  A spouse left alone with the tattered remains of unkept promises sinks to their knees.  A father driving home from work pulls over, puts his head in his hands and wonders how he can break the news to his wife that he is now unemployed.  A teenage boy is called downstairs to where his parents are sitting and listens, stunned as they inform him of their decision to divorce, but not to worry, it wasn't his fault. 

 All of us have felt the heavy burden that such moments bring, the questions that arise, the uncertain futures. And in those moments we look inward and see our weakness, we look outward and see a harsh and unforgiving world and then, casting our eyes downward, we feel trapped by our circumstances.  BUT...If we look upward, we see...

TRUTH IS-  He longs to comfort us in our pain.  He cares deeply about the intimate details of our lives. He doesn't simply stand and wait, He seeks us like the shepherd looking for his lost sheep, the woman looking for a lost coin.  He is our refuge, our rock, and our strength! He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.....He loved us so much that he went further than any shepherd looking for a sheep or woman looking for a coin.  He left Heaven, came to Earth and lived with us so that we would never have to live without Him...

Or, in the words I see everyday on Facebook as children look for some comfort.."Truth is you're really beautiful and I wish we spent more time together"- Your Father





 

" I Will Never Forgive Them..."

"I can't stop being angry"...

"I will never get over what she did to me"...

"I hope they get what they deserve"..

We have all heard someone in our lives say these words, or something like them, at one time or another.  If truth be told, we have all felt this weight, the pain of an offense we cannot seem to shake.  For those of us in the grips of the darkness that such a hurt can bring, forgiveness has ceased being a simple discussion or an easy Sunday lesson and has become an obstacle that we cannot seem to cross.  And if you are a believer, your inability to cross that hurdle leaves you with another burden to bear, guilt.  Quite often, this guilt causes you to withdraw from other believers who appear to have no problems with forgiveness, leaving you adrift in a prison of unresolved anger and resentment.  But perhaps this prison is not the result of an inability to forgive, but rather a lack of understanding as to what forgiveness truly is.

First, forgiveness does not require you to pretend that all is well, that you are "over it".  Forgiveness is not the result of an emotional state. Instead, it is a decision of our will.  Nor is the immediate outcome of forgiveness an emotional state. We often believe that if we continue to feel the pain, then we must not have forgiven.  We have an expectation that forgiveness will immediately remove the pain, but that is not the case.  Jesus told Peter that he should forgive 7 times 70, but it was not a math problem that Jesus was communicating.  Rather, He was communicating to Peter that forgiveness often requires a lifetime of choosing to forgive.  Many of us intuitively understand this and ,sadly, decide that we do not want to make that choice. We do so because of another confusion regarding forgiveness...

Forgiveness does not mean acting as if the offense never occurred.  In fact, "forgive and forget" often takes us right back into a pattern of relational dysfunction.  For many of us, there are lessons to be learned, wisdom to be gained and applied in order for us to eliminate future injuries. You see, forgiveness does not excuse a need for wisdom.  We forgive, but we use our new found wisdom the next time. Wisdom tells us that where trust has been eroded, it must be rebuilt.  Forgiveness does not mean that we allow those who have hurt us open access to our lives.  If someone has injured us, we need to put safeguards in place to prevent a repeat of that injury.   Many people fail to do so because of another misconception...

Forgiveness does not mean removing all consequences.  But it does mean you give up what many think is their right: being a participant in delivering those consequences.  Consequences will come from life and God. Romans 12:17 tells us to "Never pay back evil for evil"..Forgiveness means that we choose to give up our perceived right for revenge.   "Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,” says the Lord ( Romans 12:19).  There are consequences for actions.

We cannot have a discussion regarding forgiveness without looking at 3 words; Justice, Mercy and Grace.
Justice means getting what we deserve, Mercy means not getting what we deserve and Grace is God giving us what we do not deserve.  When we make the choice to nurse our wounds, however painful they are, we are saying to those who have hurt us , " I demand justice, I do not want you to experience mercy, and I refuse to extend you grace!"... But the One who has forgiven us calls for us to make a different choice... "Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you."  Ephesians 4:32.  A nursing baby grows larger, just as bitterness, like the kudzu plant, will grow if nursed and eventually take over a wounded heart.  You cannot keep unforgiveness in its box.  It will spill out and bleed into your life.

So what is forgiveness then?  Forgiveness is saying "I refuse to be consumed by past wrongs, I refuse to let bitterness define me. I refuse to let the offenses done to me define who I will become. I will believe in the truth of who I am in Christ and I will choose to to give others what God has given me."


" Forgiveness is to set a prisoner free, and to realize the prisoner was you"- Corrie Ten Boom , Holocaust survivor

Kudzu: The Beautiful Killer

A house swallowed by kudzu

Kudzu is a plant native to Japan.  It was introduced into the American south during the great depression as a means to fight soil erosion.  Hundreds of young men went to work planting the vine in the southern states through the Civilian Conservation Corps.  And it grew...At the rate of up to a foot a day in some conditions.  It grew over power lines, it grew over road signs, it grew over vehicles and houses.  It swallowed barns and tractors.  It grew over trees and vegetation, creating eerie and beautiful leafy sculptures, these fantasy-like landscapes covering once fertile farm lands.  And it killed everything it touched.  The trees, the grass, the fields, all were eventually swallowed up by the beautiful plant and, cut off from the sun, they died.

How many times in my life have I harbored a grudge against someone over a real or perceived offense?  I know of the call to forgive but I keep this bitterness in a secret place in my heart.  I validate it by telling myself I'm justified to be angry.  I seek out people who will affirm my hurt and ignore those who speak of grace and healing by telling myself that they don't understand how bad I've been wounded.  I go about the business of my daily life and believe that my bitterness will stay small and manageable, even as I water and feed it. But Hebrews 12:15 tells us that I am a fool, "See to it .... that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled".  You see, bitterness never stays in one spot.  It spills out of the planter, climbs the walls and escapes through the windows.  Over time, it covers everything and, if left unchecked, changes the way we interact with our friends, our family, our God.  How we deal with this issue of bitterness has the potential to determine the course of our lives, the quality and depth of our relationships.
There's a reason we are told to  "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice"Ephesians 4:31.  Nursing a hurt slowly changes who we are as we begin to define ourselves by the wrongs done to us and not the freedom provided for us.

Choosing to forgive someone is refusing to be consumed by past wrongs.  Its refusing to seek your own revenge.  Its refusing to be defined by your anger.  Instead, its choosing to give to others what God has given to us.


Kudzu was able to thrive in the states of southeastern America because its seeds found the perfect conditions to thrive.  The climate was ideal and the soil was welcoming.  The beautiful vines were tended lovingly at first but then escaped, swallowing and killing as it grew.  Bitterness looks to do the same.  The question that demands examination is this.....Are you fertile soil?

“Everyone thinks forgiveness is a lovely idea until he has something to forgive.” - C.S. Lewis

So Whats the Point of Samson?!

I have recently had the privilege to lead a brand new Bible study for youth in a town not far from our home church.  We have, within our church, a few families who live in that community but whose children are unable to attend our Wednesday night Youth Group.  What originally began as a ministry to a few families has quickly morphed into a large group of up to 40 youth from the community.   The last two weeks we have been looking at Old Testament stories that most church goers have heard so often they simply pass them by without a second thought.  The story of Jonah and the fish, the story of Samson, both typical Sunday School fare.  But real stories about real people in these particular instances are anything but typical.

A man is tossed into the raging sea, gasping for air, his lungs burning.  He feels the weeds on the ocean floor entangling his legs and cries out. He awakes to utter blackness.  A indescribable stench fill his nostrils causing his stomach to spill out the recently ingested seawater upon....what?  As he feels about frantically in the darkness, his skin burns and what he feels all around him leaves him terrified.  Soft, oozing surfaces touch him on all sides as he lies in a cramped heap.  Indecipherable sounds assault him from all sides. He cries out to his God continuously for hours... days? He has no way of measuring time. All of his senses cry out for relief when he begins to feel a strange movement.  The walls around him begin to squeeze, his skin is on fire, he can barely breathe when suddenly he is tossed, tumbling into water and caught in violent waves.  His burned skin screams as he slides across the sand.   The waves deposit him upon a beach.and he lies there gasping in great gulps of air. Squinting, he sees the shape of a great fish heading back to sea.  He slowly stands, his clothing tattered, his skin bleached and his hair matted, some missing.  He straightens his back, pauses for a moment, and then begins to walk.


A young man is chosen by God to provide relief to his people in an occupied land.  The sign of his covenant with Yahweh is evident in his long hair which has never been cut.  He is an imposing figure as he moves among his enemies, their eyes following him, this muscular Hebrew who walks straight and tall.  For years he has planned this day.  Today begins his mission against his peoples enemy, the Philistines.  As many of his adventures have, it will begin  with a girl.  He recalls seeing her that day as he walked among them.  Her beauty caught his eye as did the fact that she was surrounded by his enemies vying for her attention.  He had courted her, laughing inside at the hatred he saw in the young Philistine men as they watched her with him. He chuckled, remembered his parents pleas to reconsider when he had told them he intended to marry her.  He was recalling all of this as he walked through the vineyards.  Deep in thought, he did not notice the lion which had been stalking him.  Startled by the guttural roar behind him, he spun on his heels and saw the large cat in mid-air.

These are the stories I read to the youth at Bible Study.  As I finished the first part of the Samson saga, all of the eyes were upon me.  I asked if anyone had a question. Someone asked me what the spiritual point of the story was.  I came up with some cliched youth pastor response but it felt somewhat empty.  As we finished, a young man yelled out "lets finish the story next week!", and the rest shouted their consent.  And it hit me.  Gods word is amazing, it is attractive, and no cliche I can give will ever be greater than that.