Twilight, Team Edward and my Daughter

For many years, I have felt the tension that arises from being a believer who lives in a secular world.  Growing up in the church, I can remember the heated debates over the merits of christian music versus the sensuous beat of rock and roll.  I once worked at a christian school where an administrator was outraged that we introduced drums into the chapel worship time.  During my first year of teaching, a student hid his copy of a Stephen King novel as I walked by and was shocked by my familiarity with the author.  I have read the entire Harry Potter series and yet have some people in my life whom I respect who feel that believers should avoid such things.  I have no problem listening to the opinions of other believers and I have, at times, changed an opinion that I held after just such a discussion.   The tension that arises from the freedoms we possess as Christians living under grace, free from the law, is very real and requires wisdom and prayer to reconcile.  I do not suppose to have all the answers.

Over the past few years, the Twilight series of books and movies has become incredibly popular.  This series revolving around the love between a mortal girl Bella and her vampire lover Edward is complicated by the amorous feelings which Jacob, a young werewolf, has for her....yeah, I know...Throw in vampire babies and sparkling skin and the fact that this series gained popularity is beyond me also.  Its cheesy, poorly written, the movies are horribly acted, the plot lines are tedious....And I've read them all.

I did so because my daughter and her friends were all reading them and I wanted to be involved in the conversations that these young teenage girls were having.  I have playfully listed the merits of Jacob vs. Edward over pizza ( Jacob is much cooler, Edward is a skinny wimp ) and rented the movies, popped popcorn and subjected myself to the worst acting I have ever seen...Because I am a Dad, and that's what dads do.

But now I can confess the truth....I hate these books.  They go against every thing I believe, none of which have anything to do with vampires, werewolves, etc..  Again, I know of many people who have told me that a believer should not read such things and I will leave that for others to decide for themselves.  But as a youth pastor, the message in this series is far more subtle and dangerous than sparking vampires and shirtless werewolves.  My daughter will never meet a sparkling perpetual teenage vampire with glowing eyes and great hair.  She will never meet a dark and brooding werewolf with great abs.  But she will meet a teenage boy with great hair and a sparkling tongue, one that spews forth what she wants so much to hear.  She will meet brooding and troubled bad boys who will tell her that only she "understands" them...

Anyone who works with teenagers can tell you heartbreaking stories of young girls who so desperately wanted to be loved, to feel special, that they entered into relationships that gave birth to brokenness and heartache.  The real storyline of Twilight is not one of love but of obsession, of a teenage girl who is willing to give up her friends, her family and her life for a boy.  It is page after page outlining what in real life is not romantic but tragic for those of us who have witnessed it.  It is the re-telling of a lie older than myself.  Star crossed young lovers who the world was against...Romeo and Juliet died in a double suicide....Not love, not romantic, just tragic.

I want my daughter to know what love really looks like.  It looks like two people loving each other enough to let them be themselves.  It looks like a couple waiting til marriage to have sex because they want whats best not just for themselves but even more for each other.  It looks like a wedding in front of your friends and family, your dad crying as he walks you up the aisle.  It looks like long walks planning your future and asking God to be a part of it.  It looks like a mother holding a child for the very first time as her husband just stares, equal parts amazed and terrified.  It looks like your husband working long hours but still finding the energy to sit and play tea party with a little girl who wore her tea dress all day waiting for daddy to get home.  It looks like the day that everything goes wrong and your world is turned upside down, but this man, this father, stands in the gap, giving strength he doesn't have to his little family so that they can heal and believe.  It looks like doing shifts in the hospital tending to one child and then heading home and loving your others so that they feel safe. It looks like using all of your vacation time to support whatever season your children are in, soccer, football, cheer, baseball, track, wrestling.  Driving long hours all day only to return just in time for your husband to head to his graveyard shift.  You want to see real love?  Watch a bus as it pulls away to drive two hours to the zoo on a field trip.  You will see love scrunched up in a seat next to his or her child who's chatting a mile a minute, blissfully unaware that their parent was up all night cleaning up vomit and worse from another child who woke them up from a deep slumber with their retching.  Find a Sunday School class and watch a parent who gives of their time to give their child the one thing they need the most.  Watch a football game or a cheerleading competition and see the child decked out in all the gear they need and then scan to the smiling parent in the stands: the one holding the camera and wearing 5 year old jeans they bought at a thrift store....

Real love doesn't always sparkle.  It doesn't always have great abs.  Often it eventually loses its hair and puts on weight...But it is real.  It shows up, doesn't back down and it never leaves.  Even when the world tells it that it has no reason to stay, it does.  

You want to see real love.  Watch the old man who tends to his wife.  Cuts her food, wipes her chin, takes her to the rest room and puts her to bed. Even though he knows that this side of Heaven, she will never again remember their life together; the children they raised, the dreams they had, even his name....But he stays, and honors his vows, and he loves her.

You want to see real love, put down the book and look around...Real love is all around you.