Growing Pains

Ok, I have a confession to make.  It's something that I have attempted to to hide from everyone but the weight of it has grown too heavy, so here it is..( deep breath )...I watched the Video Music Awards on MTV last month....Waitaminute. its not what you think, I just really wanted to see the N'synch reunion song.....Ummmm, maybe that"s worse than what you were thinking, but c'mon, Justin Timberlake was reallly cool....

But there was another performance that night that overshadowed the whole N'synch/ JT performance ( which was AWESOME )...This performance instantly became the most tweeted about event in the history of Twitter ( granted, that's only 7 years, but you get the point )..It quickly became the focal point of every entertainment news outlet and the target for many christian bloggers...(ummmmm, hey,  I waited a month)...You know the one I'm talking about, the Robin Thicke performance....

Oh, you thought I was going to say Miley Cyrus!?...Well, yeah, she was there too, but maybe you didn't see what I saw.  I saw a 36 year husband and father simulating sex acts with a 20 year old young woman while singing lyrics that some industry critics had labeled " creepy" and "rapey"...But in some ways , he was just re-enacting his music video for the song.  In an interview with GQ, he responded to a question regarding the videos content by saying ,"What a pleasure it is to degrade a woman. I've never gotten to do that before. I've always respected women.".  Well, apparently he has gotten over that...And the irony is not lost on me that Robin Thicke is the son of " Americas favorite dad", Alan Thicke from "Growing Pains".  It makes you wonder how Mr . Seaver would have responded if he had caught Mike acting in the same fashion (if you don't remember great '80s sitcoms, then you have no idea what I'm talking about ). But apparently Mr. Thicke did not espouse the same values in his real life which Mr. Seaver exemplified every Thursday night at 8:30 of my childhood ( seriously, rebellious Mike?!  Young Ben?!..Nothing???).  And therein is my issue with what I saw.  You see, when questioned about why she would gyrate in a latex bikini onstage while miming every sexual cliche, entertainment pundits said that she was demonstrating that she is a woman now, not the Disney princess that  many still see her as. And I agree......

As a father, I monitor all the Facebook and Twitter activity of my children ( Mr. Seaver would have done the same thing with Carols accounts! ).  I am consistently shocked by what I read, the sexual nature of so many young teenage girls posts and photos.  I am saddened by the posts of young men encouraging them to do so.  And I am appalled at the lack of guidance provided by parents.  

I agree that Miley was attempting to show us all that she is not who we want her to be, that she is now a "woman".  You see, we have raised a generation of young women who equate becoming a woman solely in the context of their sexuality.  So, logically, as they attempt to show that they are no longer " little girls", they become complicit in the objectification of women as objects of sexual desire and nothing else.  And who is to blame?

The easy finger to point is at " The Media", but I don't personally know any. And so I turn to the next easiest, THEIR MOMS!!....Well, actually, I guess I will leave that for you ladies to discuss ( like Maggie Seaver, a work from home journalist...No?..).   I trust every mother to take a hard look at where they are teaching their daughters to find their validation, but that is not my point of writing today. 

 I blame Alan Thicke, and Robin Thicke, and I look within my own life to see if I share the blame also..Every father and husband who desires for their wives and daughters to feel the freedom and blessings which flow from a right relationship with their creator, the joy of discovering who they truly are; a masterpiece, a poem written directly from their fathers heart,you should check your life also to see if you share in the blame.

Do you treasure your wife?  Do you reserve your highest praise for her?  Do you complement her?  Do you intentionally seek to capture her heart with the same passion you once did?  Or do your words and actions tell her something else?  Is she your helpmate, your partner in this one and only life, or have you relegated her to something less?

What of your daughters?  Do you value their strength, their convictions?  Do you highlight those same qualities in the lives of other women, or do your daughters hear you valuing something else entirely?  Do you hug your daughters for the right reasons, because if you do not, they will find someone to hug them for all the wrong ones...


I want my daughter to look at the qualities of her mother and identify them as womanly.  Her talents, her loyalty, her courage, her resolve.  Her passionate love for her family and her devotion to her friends, this is what I wish for my daughter.  As a father, do I re-enforce that through my words, my actions?

It is so easy to point my  finger out the window of my life at all of those people who are the easiest targets.  But if I truly desire more for those precious lives which I have been entrusted with, I must first cast my gaze upon myself ( that sounds like something Jason , a work from home psychologist would have said to one of his clients he met with in his office just off the living room...Still nothing?!...wow..).  And that requires you to first take a true inventory of what you value.  But take a look at your daughter today, surely nothing is more valuable than that.


A wife of noble character who can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value......... 
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.- Proverbs 31